Best of Craigslist: Topless-Woman Motorized Mixer; Giant Pepsi Grill/Smoker

The following items and postings were found on Craigslist for the Naperville, Lisle and Woodridge area. Note: Patch has no control over the status of these posts on Craigslist and how long they remain available.

Topless-Woman Motorized Mixer

Would your drinks taste better of they were mixed by a ditzy-looking half-naked lady with her, uh, formidable chest hanging out? Well, sadly, none of those are for sale (that actually might be slavery, come to think of it,) but a Lisle seller has a miniature, motorized soft-rubber version on sale for $150. We added a little black bar to the image, but if you really want to see fake breasts, you can click through to the post. Or just pick up any given supermarket-checkout magazine.

Giant Pepsi-Can Grill/Smoker 

The warm weather is finally (finally!) starting to roll in, which means it’s time for some of the cooking to move outside, perhaps supplemented with a healthy libation of soda/pop/cola/whatever-you-call-it. If Pepsi is your drink of choice for your grilling, how about cooking this year with a brand-new “Big Can-Do Barbeque” grill/smoker, shaped like an oversized Pepsi can? (The Naperville seller is looking for a trade for guitar gear or a computer.) 

“Rare” Yard Gnomes 

Does anyone remember that David Bowie song “The Laughing Gnome?” Well, I didn’t, because I wasn’t anywhere close to born in 1967, or 1973 when it was a hit. But these three characters might bring it to mind: “Loo, Loofie and girl,” three gnomes designed by the creative director of the Dutch theme park Efteling, for sale for $150 in Woodridge. Why doesn’t “girl” get a name, huh? Could she be “Loofah?”

Sixteen Sox-Signed Baseballs

It has emphatically not been a good spring for Chicago baseball so far, but hey, the season is still young, right? Both teams have a rich history, but being more south than north, Naperville is probably more Sox territory than Cubs, and a Lisle seller is offering 16 cased and well-labeled signed balls from a bevy of Sox players and alumni. He/she “stood and watched each player sign these,” and they’re just $199. 

Old-School Coin Sorter

At least, it claims to be a coin sorter, but it looks to me like something out of the “Saw” horror franchise, or maybe a steampunk convention. But apparently it not only sorts the coins, but counts them, too, everything from pennies up to half-dollars. Going for $400 out of Woodridge, and really, it looks darn cool and it’s amazing that it works, but I still wouldn’t want Eli Roth getting a hold of one. 

iPhone Found in Naperville

The burden of proof for obtaining this iPhone found at Portillo’s in Naperville is pretty high: “describe color, homescreen photo, case, and which Portillo's.” Hope you know your phone pretty well if you lost it!

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